Another Article..

Hello,
If you have not heard of this organization or website I strongly recommend you go check it out. http://www.hearts-at-home.org -- This is where I read this article. I thought considering I just posted about similar things I would post this.

Mean Mom Strikes Again
Written by Mary Steinke

"You're the 'worstest' mom in the whole wide world!" declared my four-year old from his time-out chair. That morning he woke up ready and itching for a fight. He seemed determined to test every limit. He was going to get his own way or go down fighting.

What a way to start the day! Hearing my child declare my "unfitness" made me recall how many times I muttered under my breath similar things about my own mother.

To be honest, I remember giving my mom plenty of trouble plenty of times. I tested the limits. I questioned her authority. I knew just how far I could push her. I knew her weaknesses and I knew how to use them to my advantage.

Luckily for me, she stood firm and remained a "Mean Mom." She took her responsibility to form my character seriously and did not allow me to run the show. I always knew who was in charge -- even when that fact made me furious.

Now I find myself on the receiving end of all the crankiness I dished out during my formative years. Turn about fair play, she'd say.

Being a mother means more discipline problems generally fall into our collective laps. The days of "wait until your father gets home" are long gone.

Every mother not only needs a loving heart, but also thick skin to dish out needed discipline. Being a "Mean Mom" simply comes with the job.

Also, if you happen to be a mother at home, our adversarial role with our children only intensifies because as we spend more time with them.

Yet how do we accomplish our long term goal of building character in our children through loving discipline without sacrificing our sanity today?

Some Disciple Tips
Here are a few tips I've learned along the way through books, parenting classes, but mostly through hands on experience:

Loving Authority - The best way to discipline is not a technique as much as an attitude. Our children need our authority in their lives just as much as they need our love. Children need both to grow strong in their character.

Catch Them Being Good - We work very hard at giving our children more encouragement than correction. Try to say "Yes" more often than "No."

Good Parents are Good Leaders - Our role as parents is to 1.) set the example, 2.) teach our children how we expect them to act, 3.) encourage them, 4.) reward their efforts, and 5.) hold them accountable. Good leaders in business or the community do the same five things.

A United Front - Discipline requires both parents to be active participants. Our children know that my husband and I always back each other in every disciplinary decision. If we disagree, we only do so in private.

Pick your battles - When my four-year old declared I was the 'worstest' mom, I choose to ignore his words. Since he obeyed by remaining in the time-out chair, I choose not to escalate the conflict between us until he calmed down. Later, I taught him about respect and what I expect of him in that regard.

Remain Quiet - With older children, the more you defend your position the less they listen. Therefore, the less impact you have on their behavior. Pronounce the needed discipline. Then remain firm, but silent on the subject.

Consistency - Once, I heard my oldest son giving my youngest son some sage advice. My oldest declared, "I know Mom. Believe me, she won't give in so you might as well do what you've been told." That was the day I knew I had been consistent.

The Look - Your mother used it on you. Practice that silent look of disapproval in the mirror. One look can say a thousand words.

Natural Consequences - We allow our children to make decisions that may cause them to fail. Our oldest waited until the last minute to finish a project and got the low grade he deserved. He learned the natural consequence of not doing quality work and I saved myself having to give a lecture on responsibility.

When/Then - For example, when your homework is done, then you may watch TV or call a friend. Or when the toys are picked up, then you may have a snack.

Restoration - After we discipline our children, we restore our relationship with them. Each child needs to know that even though they have been disciplined for their inappropriate behavior they are still deeply loved. For example, I rock my four-year old. With my seven-year-old, I give him a hug. With my ten-year-old, I tousle his hair and tell him a joke.

Forgiveness - My husband and I apologize to our children when we're in the wrong.

The Golden Rule - As Christians, my husband and I incorporate our faith and values into our discipline. Following God's rules for our actions continues to be our foundation for our expectations of our children's behavior.
Remember, being a loving mom means being labeled a "Mean Mom" from time to time. If you look back at your mother's expectations of behavior, I suspect you're glad she held you accountable for your actions.

Although as mothers we may by default need to do most of the discipline of our children, I imagine we also receive more genuine love. My children dearly love their father, but sometimes only mom will do -- even she turns
into "Mean Mom".

Mary Steinke writes a popular newspaper column, speaks to women throughout the Midwest, and served as director of publishing for Hearts at Home. Before children, she worked in full-time ministry as a chaplain in such diverse settings as nursing homes and prisons. Mary resides in Normal, Illinois, with her husband, Harry, and three sons.

Originally published on February 6, 1999 in The Pantagraph.


Blessings to you all,
Ashley